Misquoted
by ILiveADaydream
Summary: The Doctor invented Banana Daiquiris 200 years early... and yes, TIme Lords can get drunk. Crack!fic, read for your own amusement.


Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, although I do own my own madness.

Here's a bit of an explanation. My friend, Khoufu, and I have a game (M sometimes gets included as well). We start off with a quote from Doctor Who, and carry it on. It's mostly dialogue and it's definitely not canon, and is very strange. We like it though, and I decided to immortalize it here, with small expansions to give it a tiny bit more sense and add what was in my mind as we conversed.

Let the insanity begin.

Much later addition: This was done a year or two ago and I'm editing it in early 2014. I hope you enjoy, I know I did.

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"I think I just invented the Banana Daiquiri 200 years early!"

Doctor: Ten

Companions: Rose Tyler and Mickey Smith

Conversationalists: Doctor and Rose (Mickey says nothing)

"I think I just invented the Banana Daiquiri 200 years early!" The Doctor skipped into the main room of the TARDIS.

"Did you now? When does time end then?" Rose raised an eyebrow.

"In due time sweetie. I'll be dead by then. If not, I won't wanna live to see the next day." The lanky man swayed.

"Oh, and what's going to happen to me?" The blonde tapped her foot.

"Well, time is going to be over." The Doctor said bluntly before his expression turned wistful, "You're gonna bury me under the red grass of Gallifrey and you're gonna tell Susan I wish she would've stayed with me. Her grandpa misses her."

"Who the hell is Susan? And how am I supposed to get you to Gallifrey?"

"The TARDIS knows the way. Susan's my granddaughter. When I was younger I had a wife I think." The Doctor began to sing drunkenly, "Over the something and through vortex to Gallifrey we'll go. TARDIS knows the way to carry the people through the red and purple vortex!"

"Now you've stopped making sense. Remember the Time Lock?" Rose sighed, leaning back against the controls.

"Oh yeah, try the back door."

"What back door? The TARDIS… doesn't… have… one… When did that get there?" Rose stared at the door that had appeared just behind the stairs.

"I thought you said something was locked. Just use the back door, it must have one."

"Time lock! You know, the one that keeps the time war away from the rest?" Rose crossed her arms.

"Oh yeah, oh that. Hey there's a thing there. When did that get there? Rose, is that a rose? Mickey is it a mouse?"

"No, it's superman." She rolled her eyes.

"Really? Man is he super! How do you know you're not- he's not lying? If he's – I'm not gonna know if you're- he's real I'm gonna touch him. Is he there?"

"NO you idiot, he's a figment of your imagination!" She slapped her forehead with her hand.

"Oh you filthy liar!" The Doctor swung at Rose and missed. "Hey, you're not real either!"

"You are drunk, aren't you?" She realized finally.

"Why would I be?" The Doctor looked down at his hand. "Want some Banana Daiquiri?" He waved the drink around in the air, nearly spilling it.

"And that's why. That has rum in it, Doctor."

"Really? I hadn't noticed. Is that why I tied my tie around my head? I kinda like it like that."

"Yes that's why. Go to bed, Doctor." She waved her hand at the stairs.

"But I'm not sleepy! Rose, can I take a rose to bed? I lost my teddy bear." He staggered forwards.

"Here." Rose handed the Doctor a Teddy bear that had been lying on top of the console since a memorable trip to an amusement planet.

"Thank you mummy Rose. Tell daddy Rickey I say squeak!"

"I will. Of to bed now, Darling." Rose barely held back a chuckle.

"Goodnight TARDIS, I love you too." The Doctor leaned against the column and kissed it, before attempting to head off to bed but passing out in the pool room.

After three hours, the TARDIS shook and before Rose and Mickey could find the Doctor he fell into the pool.

"What was that?" The Doctor said as he splashed around in the pool, the shock of cold water waking him up. "Mickey, Rose, who's at the controls? Ow, my head… it's been ages since I've gotten drunk. Help me out will you?"

"No one" Rose said as Mickey helped the soaking wet Time Lord out of the pool.

"Well get up there! Rose, you know how to stabilize it. Show Mickey and have him help you. I'll be drying off, if you need me, holler."

"Geez he's pushy." Rose muttered.

"Actually, don't give me a holler. Just let me sleep. This is a doosey of a hangover."

"Fine, go," She sighed.

"And you go too, now. Only get me if it's a supernova or something. Goodnight."

"Night." Rose smiled faintly before grabbing Mickey and heading off. They'd best make sure they didn't crash somewhere.


End file.
